The Mardi Gras of winter is just around the corner. New Year’s Eve is your free pass to party, shamelessly, all night long, until the dawn that is; when the nasty old hag of Resolutions rears her ugly guilt-spewing head.
Then all of a sudden it’s …
What are you gonna with your life?
When are you gonna lose weight? When are you going to eat better? Why don't you train for a marathon? It goes on and on until you want to snap her head off at the neck and punt it Steve O’Neal style.
Tell that hag to shut her pie hole and cram a Big Mac down her throat. Nothing is going to make you give up your Mickey D's.
So here's what you do instead:
Being a minimalist is not part of an exclusive card carrying hippy club for millennials. It's just a simple way of living, it means cutting out unnecessary junk in order to increase the quality of your life.
Some people take the long road to minimalism, some try getting rid of one thing every day. That means multiple trips to the donation center, trash bin or Craigslist site. While this might work for some people, the drawn-out process of achieving a Resolution is not for us.
We say, make this year's Resolution your bitch and take care of it all in one fell swoop, while you still have a fire lit under your ass.
It's a simple process really, it might hurt a little, but all you have to do is nut up and power through. Just start at the front of your house and grab anything you don’t need or use. Do you have a shoe rack or even worse a pile of shoes by the front door? Is that really the first thing you want people to see when they come into your house? Gross. Grab them, shoes, rack and all, its junk.
Then keep going make your way to the living room.
Grab the 2008 Wii console and Wii Fit (don’t deny it, we know you have one, a sad remnant of a past Resolution.) They're junk too. What else do you have in there? Books you’ll never read? DVDs? Do you still have DVDs? Guess what? Movies are digital now, lose them.
The kitchen… that's gonna be a fun one.
The garlic peeler, bread box, empty flour jars, both your George Foremans, all but 1 set of measuring cups ... you get the idea. You don’t need it all. Now, to be clear, we’re not saying you should only have 1 plate for every person in your house, a whole set of plates is a good thing, just trim the fat. (Refrigerator magnets count as fat, FYI.)
You might be feeling a little tired by now, but remember you're a man, or a woman, and suck it up. Finish by going through your bedroom, closets and all. Don’t forget the bathroom and that unnecessary hair and make-up crap. Really ladies it's doesn't take an arsenal. How many nail polishes do you have? And yet you always go to the salon…. See what we’re getting at here? And why do you need 3 hair dryers? What’s that all about?
You’re almost done, once you have all of your junk in a pile that would put Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout to shame, just do one last simple thing.
Call AZ Junk and let us know you're ready for a pickup.
We’ll be your hero, just like Lone Starr.
We’ll take the whole pile, from where you have set it up. We’ll even sort through it as we haul it off, taking things to donation or recycling centers. Then you can relax for the rest of the year until next New Year’s Resolution rears its ugly head.
BECAUSE LIFE'S BETTER WITHOUT JUNK