CLEANING HUMOR CAN GET DIRTY
Cleaning out your old junk seems simple enough. Get the junk, throw the junk away. But make sure you know what you're getting yourself into before you take on this task. You never know when you might meet with a fateful disaster.
Todd had enough of the old boxes in the garage.
No one had opened these boxes since the last time the Cleveland Browns won a playoff game. Thinking to make quick work of the task, he stacked box after box in the bed of his truck and pulled out of the drive.
Sadly, a sharp gust of wind caught the lid of one of the boxes, carrying the contents on its wings to be delivered into the yards of the entire neighborhood, much more sadly, Todd doesn’t notice. When Todd returns he can feel eyes on him. Laughing, judging, and mocking.
His confusion grows when his neighbor approaches holding a piece of paper. As he gets closer, Todd’s stomach drops ... the paper ... the image, once banished to the deep recesses of the mind, snaps back now with distinct clarity. It's one of the dozen boudoir photos an old girlfriend made him take. There, in his neighbor’s hand, is naked Todd.
Dave wanted to clean out the guest room closet.
Dave spent hours removing old boxes and bins, re-familiarizing himself with pants that are too small, shoes that have holes, old papers, dusty gift wrapping and the occasional left behind guest item.
Dave canvassed the entire room clearing out every last piece until he saw what appeared to be a hydraulic rubber jackhammer. Confused Dave inspected the hammer, turning it this way and that, bending it stretching it until at last, he realizes why it looks so familiar.
Jack wanted to surprise his mother, for Mother’s Day, by reorganizing her spare room.
Jack’s mom likes to quilt, so he plans, organizes and tosses stuff out to make room for a quilting station.
Jack arranges old bins of material but clumsily drops one scattering its contents across the floor. Pink squares, paisley squares polka dot squares, and … a leather bound book. One he’s never seen before.
Jack, ever so curious, opens it to find a detailed step by step description of how Gary Busey makes love... She had an affair. An affair with Gary Busey. Thirty-five years ago Jack’s mom had an affair with Gary Busey… Wait, Jack is only 34… with hollow sunken eyes and the teeth of a wooly mammoth.
Tom needs to get rid of some old furniture he has been storing in his house.
This furniture is broken, its ugly, its old.
As he maneuvers a broken sofa sleeper down the hall and around the corner he hits the wall, knocking a small hole in the drywall. Now Mark has to repair the wall. As he starts to work he notices something peculiar.
He shines a light in the hole and finds what appears to be a pair of jeans. Little did he know those jeans belonged to Kenny.